As I Have Done For You

"When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. 'Do you understand what I have done for you?' he asked them. 'You call me 'teacher' and 'Lord' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you should also wash one another's feet. I have set an example that you do as I have done for you.'"

John 13:12-15

       As I read over this story in John's gospel, the story of Jesus as he washes his disciple's feet, I imagine what it might have felt like to be in this scene, having Jesus - the man who performed miracles, a man people gave up their lives to follow - kneel down and wash my own feet. 

     The disciples were shocked by it. Why was the Son of Man washing their feet? He was too good for this. But this simple act was so significant, as Jesus didn't pay attention to his own social status or his ego, but he simply knelt down to wash the feet of those who followed him, an act that a servant would usually perform. Jesus's willingness and humility as he easily prepared to wash his disciples feet was an act of love and service, a plain action which displayed our common humanity and the truth that in this world: that there should be no one who is deemed better or worse, but that we all belong to each other. And then he asks us to follow his example: serve one another "as I have done for you."

     Before Easter, we held a foot washing ceremony at L'Arche. In this ceremony, we formed small groups and sat in a circle. We turned to the person next to us, removed our socks and shoes and they would pour water over our feet into a basin and dry them with a towel, washing our feet. This person would then turn to the person next to them and have their own feet washed, and so on. As I sat in this circle, John's gospel in my head, I realized that this year has almost felt like a continuous washing of my feet - that I have again and again encountered God in my last 9 months with L'Arche and more than anything, in a year where I expected to be giving my own service, I myself had been served and loved more fully than I could have imagined. 

     Peggy, a core member at L'Arche who I've grown very close with, comes straight to my mind. She has such a spirit of compassion, love, sassiness, humor and just outright kindness that I hope to embody. One of my personal challenges this year has presented me with has been managing my physical health while working full time for the first time, transitioning to a new area and balancing several changes in my Lupus treatments. This has often left me feeling very frustrated, stressed and sometimes even alone. And something that has helped me to keep going despite this challenge has been Peggy's love, concern and compassion towards me. 

     As I've been missing work for different doctor appointments and dealing with some side effects from my treatment changes, I'm walking alongside the core members of L'Arche who are living a shared reality with me, often facing some of these same challenges in their own ways, and I am finding that as I am caring for them - I am being cared for too. In this, I find a profound sense of belonging and connection to my place here. 

     Sometimes I'll chat with Peggy about my upcoming appointments, when I will be late the next day because I have an appointment or if I'm feeling a particular way that day, I'll let her know. She always remembers. She will ask me the next day how the doctor was and tell me about how much she hates going to the doctor herself. She lets me know she missed me. She will ask for the next few weeks how the pain in my foot is, or how my headache is, or if I finally got a good night sleep. She makes me feel intently heard and listened to what I am struggling with, when often in my life this really hasn't been the case. My health has often felt like a burden, or something that I need to prove to doctors, people around me, etc. It is something that unfortunately I know most of those close to me will never be able to fully understand because they don't live it. Feeling misunderstood is a really hard place to be. But Peggy understands.

     This feeling of belonging and understanding is radiated by all of the core members I am with at L'Arche. Sometimes Mark can see me struggling throughout the day and continues to asks me if I am okay. Elmore and Marcell welcome me back with a big hug, saying they prayed for me while I was away sick. Jon and Willie give me their giant hugs and unforgettable smiles. Their love and understanding is my daily encounter with God, a renewing, refreshing and humbling daily washing of my feet. 

     When I pictured what my year living in Alabama might look like, I didn't imagine that it would lead me into an overwhelming feeling of love, care, attention and belonging from those I came to serve.  I feel that my experience with L'Arche has not only been a continuous washing of the feet, but a washing of the heart and soul too. And I am so grateful for it.